I've been wrestling with how to write what is in my heart for the last four days. My mind is constantly spinning, while tears stain my face and grief keeps grabbing my heart. Friday 6 adults and 20 babies were massacred. Teachers, moms, sisters, wives.......shot down while protecting 40 parents babies. 20 babies that were just learning to perfect their reading and writing. 20 babies that will not be returning to their earthly home....20 babies that have entered their forever home with Jesus. As wonderful as that meeting was for these babies.....the heartache and loss that have been left to their loved ones and this country cannot even be measured. As a mom that has lost a young child......my pain for these families cannot even be written or expressed adequately. As one that has become friends with too many moms and dads that have lost a child.......I feel compelled to write down some specific prayer requests that I know will be needed for these families and their community. This is the only thing that I can think to do........to try and send some HOPE through prayers for these victims. Here are some random prayer requests that I know will be needed. Going through most of them.....and still living this journey, I've been through each of these:
1. Pray that these Mom and Dads have someone to reach out to in the middle of the night, when it feels so dark......may they be able to get pieces of sleep....where this nightmare doesn't seem real.
2. Pray that when they wake up.....the have a few moments of Peace, before pain grabs their heart for the day.
3. Pray for any brothers and sisters .....pray that they are not afraid to fall asleep....that they are not afraid that their mommy and daddy will be gone when they wake up.
4. Pray for any brothers and sisters as they maybe sleep in their parents room.....afraid to be in a room by themself. Pray that they are able to make their bed in their parents room.....for as long as they need to.....it may be months.......
5. Pray for the husband and wives as they try to even imagine intimacy in a marriage. It's hard to imagine being intimate.....such a miracle was born of this love.....and it become bittersweet for awhile. You just might not want to allow this emotion into the marriage. Pray for God to keep them close...just by holding hands as they fall asleep.
6. Pray that there are close friends and family that will be able to return unopened Christmas gifts....that could already be wrapped under the tree. These gifts were bought with love......never thinking for a minute that they would not be opened on Christmas morning. I was so very fortunate to have great friends that returned unused clothes for me. I remember returning something later on....and the clerk asking me why I was returning it......they will need such strength to face a simple task like a return. It will rip their heart open.
7. Pray that these families are not afraid to buy "ahead of time" in the future.
8. Pray for all the guilt that is being felt all around. Even though the families, the teachers, the other children will be told a million times that they did nothing wrong....that they were not at fault....that they had nothing to do with this horrible violence......the guilt will be there. It will seize their hearts and make them question everything they did leading up to the tragedy. The worst feeling that a parent can feel is the guilt that you have for not being able to keep your child safe. It will consume them some days.....and make them question everything they have ever done as a parent. If you couldn't keep your children from harm.....how can you do anything else on this earth? If you couldn't keep your children safe...what good are you? These are just a couple of the questions that will be with them....and will haunt them probably the rest of their lives. It doesn't consume them later, but it will return on any given day.
9. Pray for all the children......that they don't become bitter with the world....afraid to love people....afraid that everyone is evil.....we need to pray that they realize that while there is evil in this world.... the world is not evil.
10. Pray for the friends that are surrounding these families. This is a journey that no one wants to walk....and a journey that is unbearable to watch and walk beside with.
11. Pray for the firsts......the obvious ones we all know about...but there are so many that you can't even imagine.....these are the ones that rip your heart wide open. Here are just a few.....their first trip to Target and you realize you have to walk by the children's clothes....you learn to walk around the whole store to avoid it. The first time they realize their babies sheets don't smell like them anymore. The first time they are asked how many children do you have? The first time they see a child that looks like their's from a distance. The first time they dream about their child.....a real dream....a good dream.....that moment when they wake up and realize it was a dream......you grieve all over again. There are so many........of these moments....and they never will go away....they just slowly become more bearable. On a personal note.....there will come a day that they go by the children's clothes....and a light bulb will click....and you think that maybe they wouldn't even be in children's clothes anymore....pray that they have a sweet friend that you can ask....."would my baby still be in these size clothes"? and their sweet friend will hug them and tell them no......she would be wearing juniors now.
12. Pray for all that have and will be seeing such small caskets this week. This is hard for any parent to see......it just doesn't seem right.....they should be sitting on their mommy and daddy's laps.....not in a casket made for children.
13. Pray for the day when the family is given their babies "stuff" from their desk and school. Mine was given to me in a beautiful box with ribbons on it....filled with Meghan's stuff and notes from her classmates. It is so bittersweet to smell their crayons. I was not able to go through her stuff until this past Spring.....pray for peace when they are able to go through those precious things.
14. Pray for years to come, as these families will find notes, drawings and so many things. They will go through a drawer 2 years from now and find some little something from their baby that will be so bittersweet. It will rip open the wounds for a time. Pray that they have the strength that is needed each time something is found.
15. Pray that the first time these families truly laugh....and enjoy a moment....that they are not then filled with guilt. Survivors guilt will keep trying to invade their happiness and joy. Pray that the smiles and laughter become more frequent......and the guilt much less.
16. Pray that the friends surrounding them realize that their friend......that Mommy and Daddy....will never be the "same". Noone is ever the same after any huge change in a life. These friends will want their friend to be o.k......and be that person.....but they never will be the "same". I have learned that I will never be that "old" LeAnn.....but I'm me....LeAnn.....not better, not worse....just different. Pray that "different" is enough for these friends.....true friends will love them......and never leave them. It's o.k. to want things the way they were.....but that is never going to happen. Everyone is now on a new and different road of life.
17. Pray for all of these marriages. We were told at the hospital.....how difficult a loss of a child is on a marriage. I think I was told like 80% will fall apart. Pray that this does not happen with any of these families. I cannot even go into the feelings that both parents will go through.....it's to many....and to difficult....so just pray for these marriages....pray that they are surrounded by strong friends, wonderful pastors and priests and that God is in the center of their love.
18. Pray that these families and community are able to find some Joy in this Holiday Season. May God surround them with his love.....may they feel a closeness and love for Jesus that will give them some Hope.....may they be able to listen to Silent Night.....this is more difficult than anyone can imagine.
19. Pray for the Faith Community that is surrounding them. Pray that no one loses "Hope" in our mighty Father. May this horrific tragedy bring people to Christ....not make people walk out on him. Pray that the ones that may walk out.....will walk back in quickly......with the knowledge that God didn't leave them for once second.
20. Pray that these families are still surrounded with prayers, love, and God on December 15, 2013. It will be one year and a day later. They will wake up and think "I got through all the firsts, it will now become easier"........it will probably be the hardest day.......because they will wake up....and it will not have gone away....it will not have become all better......it is not easier.....it still hurts....you still miss....you still ache....you still grieve....you still long for their touch....you still miss their voice....you still think it's not real....but it is. Pray hard......it never becomes easier....it just become a part of your life....they will not be crying as often....or will be smiling more often....but they will need continued prayers for all the years to come.
I could go on and on with specific Prayer Requests....maybe some day I'll add to it...or others can add to this list.....we have all suffered loss and grief. We will continue to suffer with new losses and grief...that is just a part of life. But some losses are just so much harder than others. Know this and reach out to anyone around you that is grieving. They may be grieving silently and you don't know about it....but reach out to your loved ones....say some prayers.....love everyone....even the ones that seem unloveable...for those are the ones that probably need our prayers and love the most.
I don't want this blog to be a downer to anyone....and I'm betting that anyone that didn't want to "feel" any pain or grief has already stopped reading this. That's o.k. for them, but not for me. We live in a world where we can turn things on and off. We can turn off the T.V. when the news is just to unbearable to watch. I do this. I sometimes just have to take a break from it. I believe it's o.k. with God. Sometimes you really have to walk away for a time.....but not forever. We cannot shut "off" the world and what is happening in it. There are 26 families that cannot "shut off" the world....is it fair for us to do that? Is it fair for us to go about this next week preparing for Christmas and not take moments each day to pray? We are getting ready to celebrate the Birth of Christ......he was brought to us....to give us Hope. Let's continue to pray for Hope in this dark time.
"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Much love and prayers to all of you.
Some thoughts, aches and Prayer requests.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said. Love to you all! Stacey
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