School's Out!

Hey,

I'm just writing, cause I have too. Please understand....I do this just so that I can have some Peace in my heart.....when part of me just seems like I can't find it. So just ignore.....cause I'm warning you....I'm a little bit sappy tonight:)

It's now 12:50 a.m. on Saturday, Mary 29, 2010. Michael and Jordan finished up school yesterday.....and today was their first day of summer vacation! Jordan slept until noon.....once he's finally quiet.....he'll sleep forever:)

The last few days have been just a rollarcoaster of emotions......I've read a zillion Facebook updates on friend's childrens......kids that I know and love. Tonight a number of my "extended Kids" have graduated from High School.....I'm so proud of all of them.....and I know....that God has great plans for them. In case you don't know this about me.....I'm a pretty emotional person.....and I've thought of each of these kids....and remembered when they came into my life.....and what they mean to me......anther group have graduated and will go off to college in the Fall......a process of life.....and a change .....and I really do hate change. I know change is what life here on earth is all about....but change is such a difficult thing for me to do. I want everything the same.....and just about everyday.....I want to go back.....to a time when my heart was complete....when I didn't feel like a part of me was lost forever.......a time when I could read about other friends childrens accomplishments....and not feel such an ache in my heart.....for the accomplishments and awards...that I will never see for my little girl...Meghan. I guess when you don't know....what the accomplishments would be.....you tend to think she would have gotten them all.....not that awards are critical here on earth.....but awards are awards.....the sign of success and a job well done! I know that no award is as important....as the greatest award that Meghan has already received, but they are like a pat on the back.....a "hey, you've done a great job! I guess it's a mark...that a Mommy and Daddy have done a good job....of teaching their child.....to go out into this world....and leave a mark behind. So I guess, as much as a child is excited to receive an award....I feel that a parent gets more joy out of that award....or diploma.....or great crct scores....and I guess that me....Meghan's momma....didn't get to finish getting her awards......I know....sounds so lame....sounds so stupid....but it's true.....I just wish that I was able to post all the great things about her.....about her finishing elementary....and about her heading to Middle School....and maybe that she got the best Math scores.....I know...I warned you....pretty emotional this week!

I don't want anyone to think that I am not so very proud of my boys....Michael and Jordan....for I am....they are amazing young men.....but let's face it.....if I'm not screaming at them to do their homework......or bring their books home......then it's not normal around here. I know...I probably would be doing the same with Meghan...but that's the thing....I don't know....and we pretend to think things would be different, when we really don't know:)

Another thing.....it sounds like I'm harping about all the other children's successes....I'm not....I read through everyone of my Facebook updates.....and I am so very proud of each child's aocomplishments.....I cried while reading many of them.....I cried with pride, and I cried with a longing....a longing of wishing and wanting. I've had friends tell me.....don't bother with facebook right now.....don't read them....but you know....I can't:) For I know that even through my sorrow.......God has given me such wonderful kids in my life......to show me and teach me...that life goes on, and kids grow up....and yes....change occurs.

So....I've gone on long enough.....silly thoughts in my head.....wishes in my heart...so I guess I'll just end with this:

Sweet little Meghan...she finished 5th grade....she graduated with God next to her....and so many little friends around her.....she's heading into Middle School...and I know that she will accomplish many great things....for her teacher is the almighty one.....and he's leading her and guiding her...until her momma sees her again.

Love you sweet Meghan....always have, always will:)

Love,

Momma:)